| Reality and personality. |
[Dec. 21st, 2012|06:00 am] |
Well, I'm making a leap here. This post is NOT to say that my journal is going private, nor friends only - nor even to warn people of the gratuitous sex and violence in my posts.
I am making this forward to my journal to warn people; that the personality of this journal doesn't necessarily match up to who I am in person (even the name - I'm no longer a quiet type of person).
So yeah, whilst the basic info is correct (My age for instance, or photos of me), I believe that pumping aspects of my life into the digital format of the internet (particularly when I fell less-than-sane) irrevocably changes the manner and appearance of those aspects/acts. It's not that any of my journal is fiction, it's just that reality is never clear.
Of course, most of you will never know the difference between online me, and realtime me. So who really cares. All the same, this is a note to say that there IS a difference.
2012 |
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| Today's drawing |
[May. 18th, 2008|03:25 am] |
I didn't dream this, it was just in my head after a dreaming.
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[May. 17th, 2008|03:00 am] |
You're all so far away. You don't even know. You can't even know, else you wouldn't be so far away right? I tell you, it's like solitary confinement my life is. Solitary. No people, you dig? No talky talky. I've started to talky talky to myself. To lower my voice if you ask me - but why would you - no one's here. I do love though.
I love the people in front of me, when they're in front of me. I wish I was a story teller. Wish I could tell advancedly realistic stories on reality. Reality that's not me. Conflict, a pony. It's not what you can't type, it's what you don't type, type type type away to nothingness. Why can't I have a sexy homeless girl like in the movie I'm watching. Oh yeah, today's drawing, I don't like it:
I now wish to hear retards talking. To hear their vocal inflections and rhythm. Existing in the time that I do, a few words into a box should find me such. I wish to ignore the fact that beautiful girls get raped. I wish to see ugly girls get raped*. I wish to see rapists get raped. I wish to see all men be raped.... sexually.
I wish to do a whole post on what kind of a girl I'd like to be.
*I am aware of the immense stupidity of this statement |
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| If I were a girl... |
[May. 17th, 2008|02:33 am] |
If I were a girl, I would like to wear dresses, floral summer dresses all year around - but often with some form of pants under. Layers.
If I were a girl, I would like to be mysterious and whimsical, and act at risk to my folly without rhyme or reason, but be protected merely by my attractive figure and men's lust guised in chivalry.
If I were a girl, I would like to be straight forward in all things but one, and untalented in most things but a few. I would like to grow plants on a window sill, and play a musical instrument poorly but persistently. It would sound wonderful though, only because my singing voice would save it.
If I were a girl, I would claim to have a tattoo, but just draw it on every day.
If I were a girl, I would have a lot of sex, but feel like it happened to me, rather than feeling like I caused it.
If I were a girl, I would consider suicide.
If I were a girl, I would wash my clothes in perfume, but not wear it.
If I were a girl, I would pride myself on listening to Bjork, and Imogen Heap, and Kimya Dawson. Kings of Leon, and secretly enjoy singing to Queen.
If I were a girl, I would smoke, but only to look cool - until I got addicted, and started fidgeting. Being short with people, chewing my finger nails, and scratching my arms until they hurt. Nicotine.
If I were a girl, I would demand everything I own look worn and decayed.
If I were a girl, I would read poetry, and yell at flowers, and wear two watches, and know how to solder circuits.
If I were a girl, I would probably have done my fair share of sofa surfing.
If I were a girl, I wouldn't be me.
I am not a girl.
P.S My twin was going to be a girl before it miscarriaged. |
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[May. 17th, 2008|02:19 am] |
One person, does not have time to get into another. One person, does not have time, to get into another. One person, does not have the time to get into another person's time. One person does not see the worth in getting into time with another person. One person is not in enough space, to see the worth in getting into another person's time/space/mind/brain/self.
I once wrote a beautiful thing, about going to the doctors, and him being the first person to touch me in months, and before that, about changing bed sheets, and the touch of them, sending tingles all over my skin.
One persons time. My time, and I can't even get into it. What's the worth? People, write, time, worth - it all gets thrown away in the end. People, right, time, worth, dead. Money around the bend. Worth your time, my friend? We all end...
There are things, a calculus goes on. Over whether this is worth reading. Over whether anything is. Windows in a row. A sea that turns to fog. Something done with quality. But more than that, connection. Human connection. More than that, more than that, more than that. That non-abstraction. The reality of it all. What am I talking about again?
....must stop babbling incoherently. |
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| I only love people when they're in front of me. Is that really wrong? |
[May. 15th, 2008|07:09 pm] |
Thought about moving out today, and the real choice ended up being between love and money. I can save money living at home. But am more likely to find love living la bohemian loca (not necessarily romantic love, just, people-time - you know).
Anyway, I chose money.
Watched Midnight Cowboy today. Have been watching a lot of movies of late, and plan to eventually cleave them into worth watching and not worth watching. So far I've seen:
The Day After
Logan's Run
The Ringer
Goodfellas
Network
Butch Cassidey and the Sundance Kid
Soylent Green
Dirty Harry
The Omega Man
Where Have All the People Gone
Midnight Cowboy
I am a whiney angsty prick (see previous post and subject line to this post).
/end
P.S Tomorrow I plan to go out, buy a drawing book and some pens, buy some good quality chocolates - just for me, and maybe see a movie. But there's an equal chance I will refuse to leave the house. |
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[May. 15th, 2008|05:51 pm] |
What do you want to do, what DO you want to do.
You want to fight the establishment. You want to make a big name for yourself - won't be about to slag off media showmen then. Want to make it big, get the big money? That'll take a lot of money, and where to start? Want to do anything? What do you want to do? Be a TV star? A musician? An artist? Get some talent, again, work work work.
Want to do what you love? You don't love anything you damn fool. Don't love anything but the occasional person - and I got news for you - the ones you love - they don't love you back. So fuck you. |
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[May. 9th, 2008|09:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Life is difficult, and difficult to leave. I'm a void walking down the street. No hands to touch anything. No mind, no plans. The void's thrown me off balance. Sometimes I want to leave the house. I end up with outdoor loneliness. Want love. But don't want to taint the idea with me. My self-esteem is subterranean, buried beyond belief.
I'm holding my breath, closing my eyes, and waiting for morning. It could take years. |
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[May. 8th, 2008|02:04 pm] |
Haha, this is hilarious: The original name for Operation Iraqi Freedom, was Operation Iraqi Liberation... which in acronym form spells... O. I. L.
Comedy gold! Black gold! |
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| Downloading a Mac to PC user? |
[May. 8th, 2008|01:23 am] |
Reasons a life-long Mac user (eg. me) is thinking about going to the PC darkside:• I will have better application support, and won't have to switch browsers or update my OS just to get simple things like google maps, and photobucket working (aka not crashing).
• I won't have to learn unix commands when my OS has a serious spaz (what do you mean move is really just copypasta+delete? Quit shattering my illusions!)
• I will be able to enjoy the many successful PC-only games (eg. Grand Theft Auto, Half Life, Portal, Toblo)
• Won't have to deal with stupid mac shit like mac-addresses, widgets and wmv blockiness.
• PCs are MUCH cheaper (or to put it another way: Macs are MUCH more expensive).
• Mac has gotten complex, slow and iffy. The user-elegance, and just-works factor is rapidly in decline... the buy new essential software/hardware factor is steadily inclining.
• The net is more geared to PC than mac (as is WiFi). |
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[May. 6th, 2008|05:46 pm] |
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Am back in Melbourne-town now. |
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[May. 4th, 2008|09:33 pm] |
Video cameras surveil the same patch of floor, like nervous lovers.
Dormant fans show off their potential in the size and shape of their blades.
The world is considered in the warping of wooden boards.
Buddhist bells, harmonics and sea shells.
Salt on your skin, seeps in.
The only way to love (even - ironically - that special someone) is to love them regardless of who they are (and at times, more importantly - who they aren't).
Holidays are good, but fool of the vacuous phrase "I've been there".
I look forwards to Monday, and returning this journal to shots of midnight suburbia, and naked rantings.
Good bye Thailand, hello sweet, sweet, FA. |
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[May. 4th, 2008|10:24 am] |
Chinese Cemetery:
( +9 )
For my second time on a motorbike, I went to the local chinese cemetery. Once there, I tried to take some on-bike footage (which turned out kind of dull). I didn't feel too bad about motoring through there, as trucks occasionally use the path, and no one else was around. Although, at the top end of the cemetery some local dogs made a big show of chasing me back to the main road. |
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[May. 2nd, 2008|10:05 pm] |
Today I got on a plane... but it wasn't about to fly (note the coconuts):
 These ex-millitary planes (and a few helicopters) are going to be sunk as diving relics.
( +19 )
P.S Oh how camoflague has changed since WW1.
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| Talkin' about myspace generation! |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|09:49 pm] |
Because I am clearly vain (see user icon), and my dad goes a bit camera crazy, I've decided to compile a few of the worst shots of me from this trip (what an odd way to be egotistical). I give you; When holiday snaps go bad!
Fishbowl-head swallowed own tongue:
( +9 humorously captioned ugmos )
Other things currently gross about me (me, me, me); I have heat rash on both forarms (looks like chicken pox, I can haz teh pox?), and the skin on my chest/shoulders is making tiny blisters and peeling. I'm an appeeling guy! ho ho ho.
P.S Scientology's expensive "Get the Facts" (you mean they're not in the king james bible?) campaign has even infected urbandictionary.com". |
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[Apr. 25th, 2008|09:50 pm] |
 
 
( +3 )
Got red raw sunburnt on my top half today. The woman in that last pic used to be a man. Not much else to say, but cool mud flaps hey? |
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[Apr. 23rd, 2008|09:30 pm] |
Today I got stiches out, and had an unlicensed, unhelemeted potter on a motorbike (150cc). It was my first time, and it was a bit wet out (monsoon season starts about now). Didn't take any pics/vid... but here's some silent footage (it's not the 21st century or anything right?) from the car to give you a feel for crazy Thai roads (they had to put count down timers up so people didn't just ignore the lights and go willy nilly).
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quietthomas's journal
